The Devil’s Rejects

When I sat down to write this review the first thoughts that popped into my mind were completely negative. But now as I stroll through my memory, I’m realizing that maybe Rob Zombie wanted it to come across that way.

The story line is really weak and it doesn’t give much of a point to why you are watching the movie, but the intensity is through the roof. Just like his theatrical debut, House of 1,000 Corpses, The Devils Rejects is psychologically powerful and filled with raw emotion. It’s one of those movies where you know something big is coming but it just drags out. I have to admit that a few times I got quite anxious, so I finally went and got a pop to calm myself down.

The movie plays out where the sheriff of the town is out to put this family of serial-killers in prison. It’s the same characters from, House of 1,000 Corpses and pretty much the same movie. Although this time it hardly focuses on the house. Two of the killers, a sister and brother, are on the run from the sheriff along with another killer, Captain Spaulding. They flee to a remote motel where more killing ensues and finally to a brothel where they party like rock stars until Sheriff Bad Ass, Diamond Dallas Page (yes, really DDP), and the bartender from the smash comedy, Anchorman show up to kick some ass. There were some problems I found with this movie. And it’s things that make me wonder if Zombie meant to make it that way.

First off, as stated above, the story line is very weak. As my friend pointed out after the movie, it seemed like Zombie was just kind of anxious to write a sequel to House and really didn’t put much thought into a good script. The focus of this movie is just to have three psychos killing people, and make it really psychological, which I appreciated Zombie for doing. In a lot of horror movies all they usually have is the classic footchase, which ends when the chasee trips and the walking chaser catches up and kills them. That’s it. Not with Rob Zombie movies. He lets you get into the mind of the victims. Has them pray, tortures them, gives them hope of survival, just spends a lot of time killing them.

Another problem I had with this movie are the sexual things. Yeah, it’s cool to have a bunch of sexual stuff in your movies but he definitely exploits it a little too far. Nothing too nasty, but it almost seems to be another focus of the movie. Overall, I’d say this movie comes nowhere near what he did with House (even if it was a rip off of Texas Chainsaw Massacre , it was still cool).

If you’re anything like me, you’ll enjoy the attention he puts on what the victims go through. And okay I admit, I might have thought some of the sexual stuff was cool. But if your looking for a good movie, with a good plot, and awesome twists (everything is pretty predictable), go rent Cinderella , Tripp says it’s wonderful.

 

What Happened…?

One year already? Awesome.

The night started off as usual, but took an unexpected turn of events when I noticed a BEER in Bulldogs hand. Whoa whoa whoa. What the frick is this about? Would this mean Bulldog is staying out later than dusk? "Oh yes Tommy" the beer gods answered. And even when HAB’s girlfriend, Elizabeth, and I went on a beer run, Bulldog was there pulling out more money. I’ve known the guy for about two years and I’ve only heard of the crazy Bulldog drinking tactics. I believe at one point during the night I asked him what made him drink. He replied by saying that he had an urge to and decided he shouldn’t do it alone. So where better to do it than at a Couch Party? I have yet to find a place. Other than Bulldog getting drunk the night was pretty normal.

Blaring tunes mainly consisting of My Chemical Romance, Foo Fighters, Jettared and Dropkick Murphys out of the computer. New arrivals, such as the Mata twins and their friend, who went by "stoney", are always a good bonus.

I must say how when Elizabeth and I were on the beer run that a biker said to her "hey pigtails, I wanna tie you up". I think he was surprised when she responded so cheerfully and just kinda made him look like a dumbass. For some reason her confident reply made me ask him if he aspired to be like the BTK killer. The dude could’ve crushed me, but, instead he had no response. It was awesome.

The night ended as always, where Tommy is bouncing his head off his chest over and over again. Can barely make it to Tripp’s chair where he passes out. And hopefully doesn’t sleepwalk. I don’t remember any occurrences of waking up anywhere weird that night. I think my mind was to out of it to even move my feet.

Well, any other events of the night are to blurry or completely gone from memory. That’s all I got. But if there are any cops or DNR people reading, I think I saw Abe peeing in the backyard. Does that make him a sex offender now?

 

All in Good Chaste

Hey everyone it’s your favorite couchparty member, Tommy! It’s my 1st article outta retirement and it’s a good one. Even though I stole it from Netscape.com. Im not sure how to do a works cited page. Whatever, I almost failed that whole research paper shit in high school. So here’s my best. I guess I can just put the whole thing in quotations and have Netscape get a hold of my lawyer.

"Virgin at 18? Here’s a Big Payoff! Teens who remain virgins throughout high school may think they’re missing out on some of the fun, but the reality is their sexually active peers are the ones missing out.

The study: A new study from the Christian group Focus on the Family

analyzed data from the National Longitudinal Study of Youth that was conducted in waves from 1979 to 2000 with 3,750 men and 3,620 women. It controlled for ethnicity and previous educational or economic disadvantage. About half the students were virgins at 18 and half were not. Students were surveyed at age 18 and again at age 38.

The results: When the two groups were evaluated 20 years after their

high school graduation, the data showed that both the male and female high school students who remained virgins at least until age 18 enjoyed huge advantages as adults, compared to those who had had sex in high school:

They completed an average of one year more of higher education. Their incomes were 20 percent higher. They had about half the risk of divorce. "It is very much as we suspected–that adolescent virginity has a significant impact on well-being in middle adulthood," said lead study author Reginald Finger, M.D. "We found, as well, that these better outcomes were not merely the result of avoiding teenage pregnancy or fatherhood. The outcomes are inherent to remaining abstinent. In addition, we found that female virgins were more likely than their non-virgin counterparts to have a positive financial net worth and were almost half as likely as non-virgins to use welfare benefits."

The research findings were published in the journal Adolescent and Family Health."- www.netscape.com

THREE WORDS: NOT WORTH IT

No no no, in all honesty I was a virgin until long after high school. And contrary to popular belief, I am no longer a virgin. Anyways, I know a ton of people who fucked like rabbits in high school and are way more successful than me. I think the problem here is that these kids were virgins so long cause they were book nerds and just couldn’t get anyone to sleep with them.

But to be analytical. If you think about it, it’s kinda like a Michael Moore viewpoint. Okay the study was done by the Christian Group, ‘Focus’ or whatever. I’m going to school to be a psychologist and my 1st thoughts on this whole thing was….maybe they are successful because they are responsible and it has NOTHING TO DO WITH HAVING SEX. think what happened here is the kids were all just like, "oh I’m gonna do the right thing and be successful" And I think just not having sex kinda falls in line with that.

It’s kinda ridiculous to me to come out and say "HEY DON’T HAVE SEX AND YOU’LL BE SUCCESSFUL!" I don’t think its a cause and effect thing here.

I just think it’s another shot at trying to scare kids out of having sex. Which is an okay thing I guess. I mean young pregnancies and STD’s are definitely something we don’t need more of. But still come on. It’s like saying "hey find a job and you’ll have money". That makes sense. There’s definitely a strong truth to that statement. Saying "don’t have sex and you’ll become more successful" is just ridiculous. And the whole thing is just under 18. So what, when you turn 19 you can start becoming a whore and your chances of being successful are still awesome cause you waited until you were 19? I don’t know. I’m being too critical I know. Hit me up with a discussion on the message board and tell me how crazy I am.

 

My Resignation

Hey Couchparty…h-ho-how ya doing guys? Really? That’s swell. But ya see, I’m not doing so great. It seems as if I have the shits. God I hate the shits. So to pass time in between here and that porcelain wonder, I’m going to write an emotional filled letter.

For the past few months I’ve been out of the loop in CP land. I can feel it, the guys can feel it and I’m sure world, that you, you can feel it too. I come to the site regularly and chuckle with teary eyes at HAB’s new Bubba of the week. Or I marvel at the magnificent reviews that Nick leaves. Abe always has something clever. Tripp finds a better insult every time he types a sentence. I just feel inadequate. To say the least, I am the weakest link. We got old school now, and even Bulldog, who rarely has time in his busy schedule to hang out with us, writes more than I do. Plus, I’m always oh so jealous of TomCoe’s brilliant hate with the world. Even Guest writer Uncky D is surpassing me.

And hell, wherever the heck Mr. Black is, I’m sure he’s happy I’m doing this. Yes world, I’m retiring from the Couch Party. It hasn’t been an easy decision and as I write with watery eyes, my farewell letter:

 

Dear Couchparty members, family, friends, Eva Longoria, and all CP fans:

I, Tommy, hereby denounce my Couch Party membership due to the lack of my self-esteem, self-worth, and confidence to keep up with my fellow members. Sure, they invite me to the parties, but I see it in their eyes. They always pretend to suddenly ask "oh hey Tommy, what ya working on for the site?". I smile hopelessly and say with prestigious glee, "the best article Couch Party will ever see". And then I slam another Miller Light, throw some bull horns (like this- \m/ ) and we’re back to talking about booze, boobs, and well. . . I guess that’s pretty much it. I’ll always stand by them as friends and maybe show up to a party or two in the future, but I can’t go on living this lie anymore.

I’m not a true CP member. I don’t pay the dues; I just buy booze with the money instead. I don’t know why they haven’t kicked me out. Maybe it’s because they are sincerely all super nice guys. My time spent in CP land will be one of the most memorable experiences I’ll ever have. It was a long run, but not paved with gold by any means. I was always in the shadows of the other guys’ fame. I know I shouldn’t say this about the guys, but it seemed as though sometimes I was a token. ‘Let’s let Tommy in, he has spiky hair, tattoos and he’s a big goof..we can exploit him’. God, I’m sorry. That’s wrong of me to think. There goes the self-esteem again.

I know you guys like me…I just don’t have the guts to perform for such a big website like CouchParty. In the early months, it was kind of a joke. Then everywhere I went I got noticed. The Machine Shop, the Déja Vú, Genesee County Jail, local grocery stores, the Lion’s Den. It seemed like I couldn’t go anywhere without someone saying "Oh! shit there’s Tommy from Couchparty!" And then after the hustle and bustle of actually meeting someone from Couchparty, the low blows started in.

They ask for the autograph, a picture..things like that. Then they snap. "So when you gonna start actually writing for the site?". Or, I love getting this one "shit, I meet a member of Couchparty and it has to be the lame ass one". One time a chick told me she’d show me her boobs if I wrote an article about it. I told her I most certainly would. She owned up to her end of the deal…me, well, sadly, as you’ve read, I’ve never owned up to writing an article about boobs. She had nice tits though. Well, with all this being said. It’s truly probably one of the worst letters I’ve ever written. Actually, next to that letter I wrote ‘Queen Elizabeth’ begging her to dump the Macho Man for my masculine eleven year old self, this is the hardest. But that’s beyond the point. I’m a man now and I shouldn’t have to surround myself with people I’m uncomfortable around.

Sorry guys, I just don’t feel I deserve to be part of such a wonderful thing. I’m sincerely sorry if anyone is upset over this. Although I’m sure you’re all happy to see me go. Sorry it wasn’t sooner.

Peace, love, and Couchparty

Tommy

 

Oh My God

Oh My God is a band from Chicago . A good band from Chicago .

It was April 16th, 2005 . My first, and possibly last, Oh My God show. I say “last” because from what I have heard, the band is on hiatus because singer Billy O’Neil moved to Arizona . I’m not sure if all that is true or not, but I do know that they were amazing. I had heard of them a few times and a couple years ago Abe had even played me a song he had of theirs. I guess I just didn’t pay attention enough back then. A co-worker at the Mongolian Barbeque was always talking about them. So one night I went home and played a couple of their songs. One stuck out and I swear I must’ve listened to it 30 times in a row that night, literally. That song is called "February 14th". One of the best rock ballads I have ever heard.

So jumping on the craze of this band I was very excited to hear that MTV would be taping them at the Flint Local432. Abe and I rounded ourselves up and headed downtown for quite an eventful evening. After polishing off a few beers at ‘the Torch’ we staggered back down the alley to the concert venue. The place was shoulder to shoulder people. In my seven years of going to shows at the FlintLocal I have never seen it nearly as packed. I knew this was going to be something. From the opening chords of the song "Volitaile" I was hooked. This was definitely a band that had everybody’s attention and emotion glued to their every move. Singer O’Neil runs about like a mad man. With his ‘Grizzly Adams’ beard and piercing wild eyes, it’s easy to see what a true character the man really is. The organ player who goes only by the name Iguana rocks passionately back and forth as his fingers slam the keys. According to their website, www.ohmygodmusic.com , Igauna has been known to play with some rather famous musicians. Junior Wells, Buddy Guy, Otis Rush, Jeff Healey and Van Morrison to name a few. Drummer Bish is the youngest of the group and his energy reminded me of Tommy Lee of Motley Crue fame. He’s a wild, hard hitter. The trio really seem to feed off each other’s antics.

The set was wonderful, the crowd was wonderful, the excitement was through the roof…it was surely something. At the time, I had only known a couple songs but was intrigued by every one they played that night. Even before seeing them I had heard of O’Neil being known to do crazy things at shows. Clothed in tight white satin bell bottoms and a light blue shirt that read ‘Mr. and Mrs. O’Neil’ the man beams pure rockstar. During one part of the show it looks as though he is cooling himself off with some water over his head. And then the next thing ya know he’s throwing powdered flour all in the air and laughing hysterically as it sticks to his face. What he was doing this for I will probably never know, but the crowd liked it. And thats what live shows for musicians are all about.

The MTV thing was kinda just in the background for me. I could tell the majority of the other people that were there felt the same way. Sure the stage looked extra cool with special lights and backdrops and things like that. But we were there to listen to the music. After the show I picked up their 2003 cd, Interrogations and Confessions . I can honestly say that it moved its way right up the list of my cd’s. For the past month it has hardly left my cd player. As for the MTV thing, I encourage all who reads this to go check it out. It captures the band well. It was played May 5th during the show, ‘making the band’. Just hit the play button and enjoy the clip.

 

The Notebook

I’m going to get serious in here a few times.

Whoever wrote this movie is seriously messed up. If any of you get the chance to watch The Notebook, don’t do it. Or, well, I guess you can, but it’s a pretty messed up story. Girls will need at least 2 boxes of kleenex and guys will need about a fifth of jäger. First off, let me tell you how I was duped into watching this movie.

Usually, my ex-girlfriend and I, Laura, get together about once a month and hang out, get dinner, watch a good movie… whatever. Last month it was Garden State. This month, The Notebook. Big difference (I should point out that Laura really loves this movie, even as a poster of it hanging above her loveseat). OK, it’s not much of a dupe I guess.

Ready for the plot? It starts out in an old folks home where this old man is reading a story of his life to another old lady that is in the home. He tells her this magnificent story of how he falls in love with this girl but her parents disapprove, so they break up. Throughout the movie you catch on that the old lady is the girl that he fell in love with long ago, she just got Alzheimer’s and can’t remember. WHAT!? That’s so ridiculously messed up. Why would anyone want to write a movie about something so tragic? Maybe you guys will call me even more gay for this, but come on..

So yeah, the young girl’s parents disapprove and she moves far away or something. He writes to her everyday for a whole year, that’s 365 days as they point out in the movie. The girl’s mother intercepts the letters by getting the mail everyday. She never lets her daughter know that the guy she’s been crying herself to sleep every night about, really does care. So fast forward seven years, he’s still living in devastation, but is shacking up with a hot other young lady. He just doesn’t really care too much about her. The girl, on the other hand is with this lavish rich man. One day he proposes to her and the face of her lost love comes back to her. So she takes off and drives to the guy’s house and they get together. Blah blah blah. But it’s just ridiculous cuz it could be just another sappy love story and end like that. But oh no, they have to carry it on and let you know that now she has Alzheimer’s he’s devastated again and she doesn’t even recognize her life.

Yeah, that’s something I want to watch. In fact, the book he’s reading out of is HER memoir. And she doesn’t even know. I guess it’s just that I don’t want to see my parents or anyone close to me end up like this. So yeah, this movie sucks.

It has parts where their kids come to visit and she gets up and introduces herself. Even a part where he’s reading the book to her and she has a flashback and remembers for about five minutes. So they dance and have fun then out of nowhere she’s screaming at him cause she don’t recognize who he is. And he’s crying and shit. So they have to start all over. Then you find out that this happens often and he reads her the same book—her book—over and over again.

I don’t know, but if I ever want to fall in love with a chick, I think I’ll just go rent this movie. Screw you, The Notebook, screw you.

 

The Dirt: Confessions of the World’s Most Notorious Rock Band, Motley Crüe

Hey! Are you really into Motley Crüe? Yeah, me neither. But this book really does rule. It’s the crazy twisted fact filled look back on Glam rocks most potent band. Now, I have never owned a Motley Crüe CD, cassette, t-shirt, etc, but I have been known to spill a beer while jumping up and down to “Girls, Girls, Girls.” And I do own this book. I picked it up one day in a Borders and could not put it down. Well, I guess I did

end up putting it down, but then I drove back the next day with some money that I was trying to save for probably alcohol and/or tattoos, and bought it. It took me three days to read, that’s the fastest I’ve ever read any book ever. I mean, I tried reading the Bible once, but the naked pictures in there distracted me and I just kinda flipped through a few times.

Anyways, Motley Crüe is the epitome of ‘sex, drugs, and rock n roll’. It’s all in there, over and over and over and over again. These guys went all day, all night, all the time. Through fights, break ups, deaths, screwing each other’s girlfriends behind their backs, yeah, it’s in there. The most interesting story is when Mick Mars, the bands guitarist and by far oldest member, thought he had died. Mick woke up on a beach one day and had no idea where he was at. He started up to a house and saw drummer Tommy Lee, and a few others, in there crying. Thinking he was dead, and they were grieving over him, Mick walked right into the patio glass door. This leads up to another interesting moment in the book. They were all crying because during a party that had already lasted three days, vocalist Vince Neil and the drummer from another rock band, Hanoi Rocks, decided to go down to a local liquor store and re-stock. On the way back, Vince ended up crashing and killing the drummer.

Written by Neil Strauss, who in my opinion is the best rock journalist ever, The Dirt is definitely the best recap of any band’s history I’ve ever attempted to read. The book is structured in a way like a recap of certain moments in the bands history and each story gets told the way each member remembers it happening. It also goes deeper and tells of each individual childhood and how they all came together. I could type for days and days about all the lavish and ridiculous things these guys did. But I won’t. I’ll let you either go out and buy it, or, if I like you, borrow it from me. I will say that it’s pretty graphic, but that’s the beauty of it. If you don’t think you’d like to read about bassist Nikki Sixx almost dying by having someone inject him with heroin cuz he was too fucked up to do it himself, think again. You’ll like it.

The Dirt is a great read for anyone, unless your a nun. Or Tripp. Cause there’s really nothing in there that would piss him off.

 

Finding Emo

For those of you who don’t know, “emo” is a new craze. It’s kinda like glam rock but a lot less annoying. Just follow along and I’ll tell you how it all started.

One day about ten years ago or so, a young man from California (or somewhere really nice), got his heart broken. He was a musician so he decided to write a song about it. The song contained many exaggerated emotions that he possibly couldn’t be feeling all at the same time, but ya know, people liked it. He was so disheartened that this young lad forgot to shower. And soon his hair was looking more like how my Uncle Marty’s does when he sleeps with his toupee on. As Bart (that’s his name now) carried on with his musical career, it seemed like his love-life was never going to reach that once blissful paradise his now ex-girlfriend and he shared. Friends began to worry about him as he grew so skinny that people claimed he was anorexic. Soon he noticed that his clothes didn’t fit anymore. He then resorted to some old sweaters and youth-size tees that he had laying around since elementary school.

Still writing painfully emotion-filled songs, and still not combing his hair, Bart decided that it was time for him to find a day job since the night times were filled with gigs at the local coffee shop. He turned in many applications and finally landed a job at his old middle school as a janitor. As Bart was surely sinking into a fairly decent sized depression, something happened. A record executive stopped in at the coffee shop one night for a mocha and loved what he heard. In one song, Bart had summed up this guy’s first love, heartbreak, and all the emotions he had felt before finding his wife. So the guy, Alfred, offered to bring Bart into the studio to record some things. It couldn’t have come at a better time for poor Bart. He had recently gotten so skinny and broke that his pants even became too big and he had to resort to wearing his mom’s. Even though these were much shorter and tighter, he figured it would be better than having droopy drawers.

It didn’t take but a few weeks for Bart to become a huge success within the music industry. With his first paycheck he decided to go get a tattoo for his ex-girlfriend, the person who caused this all. He searched through many things on the wall at the tattoo shop and finally settled for a broken heart with a teardrop falling off the side. It was in honor of what had changed his life so effectively. And he put it on his forearm for all the world to see. For a few weeks Bart was tearing up and down the coast of Cali blowing away all these skaterpunk bands and goth metal acts.

One day he decided to finally go get his haircut and find some new clothes. “Ah, what a good life,” he thought. A month or so later Bart was playing a gig with a band that he had played with before. Upon arrival he had not even recognized these ex-goth metal guys, but they sure were something else now. He kinda felt bad for the poor kids because it seems like they were having financial trouble like he once had. Old, dirty, tight clothes that had to be from their childhood days and from the looks of their belt buckle key latch, that at least two of them had taken up jobs as janitors as well. Saddened and angry at the music business, Bart decided to turn away and give it all up. He felt bad for the kids who were out there pouring their hearts out on stage every night but still had to go home to no money and dirty unfit clothes. He left the biz before even playing the show that night. It was too bad because he could’ve shared the same stage with that band one more time before they became the defining emo band of our time.

After seeing Bart play the kids in ‘Axes of Angwar’, decided to play more emotion-tuned music like Bart made, and they changed their name to ‘Further Seems Forever’, which was a line in one of Bart’s songs. Bart currently lives in Hawaii with his new wife, Kiki and dog, Buster.

He is totally oblivious to ever creating the ‘emo’ fashion style. And since he lives in Hawaii , where emo doesn’t exist, he might never figure it out.

Here’s a checklist someone could follow if they wanted to partake in being emo.

•  Wear your hair like a mop, but not to long.

•  Don’t wash your hair, or clothes

•  Wear youth size t-shirts.

•  Wear super tight jeans, preferably womens.

•  Get a tattoo of something really sad and to do with love

•  Start playing guitar

•  Wear low top Vans, Airwalks, Puma’s or something that looks like those

•  Write a bunch of really sad lyrics about love

•  Start an "emo" band with other "emo" kids

•  Wear a janitor key holder thingy that attatches to a belt loop

•  Look sad a lot.

•  Scarves will help…emo boys are sad, lonely, and apparently always cold.

I’m sure anyone of you readers out there know or have seen someone that totally fits this profile perfectly.

 

An example of Emo kids. Notice the stupid sweater and the flowers in the background. Notice their crappy hair. Notice that you want to beat them for no apparent reason.

I am going to put out an "emo" challenge and the winner gets….Nothing. But it will still be funny. Everyone take five minutes to surf the internet. Go to band websites or even just under "emo pics." Whoever finds the coolest emo picture and posts a link on the message board gets something kick-ass (probably a Couch Party vinyl sticker).

 

JETTARED

It was January 2002. Abe had called and asked if I wanted to go check out some local band. “Sure,” I told him; I had nothing better to do. They were playing with the national act Soil, at the now defunct “Metropolis” bar in Flint. To say the least, Abe and I were totally blown away by those hardly-known local phenoms Jettared. Fast-forward three years and you’ll find fans all across the U.S. and even the world. Jettared consists of Chris Konkle on vocals, Shane Grush on guitar, David Whaite on Bass, and Nick Fredell on drums. The rock band has made a respectful name for themselves. Their credentials include sharing the stage with metal powerhouse Disturbed, rock act Non-Point, and have even crossed the lines into movies and sitcoms. “The Cooler” starring Alec Baldwin and William H. Macy features the song “May” which was the opening track for their first E.P. entitled Nowhere . Other songs of theirs could be heard in the short-lived ABC sitcom Miracles and Hellraiser 8 , which as of now, has only been released in Europe .

In the three years I’ve been following Jettared, I’m happy to say that the relationship of band/fan has transferred into a good friendship, and singer Chris can be found downing Miller Lights at CPHQ quite frequently. With their first two albums being produced by Grant Morhman & mastered Tom Baker (Marilyn Manson, Taproot, Alien Ant Farm), Jettared has decided to stick with recording the new E.P. by themselves. They are currently writing material for the next release. To find a demo of one of the new tracks “stuck with me” go to www.purevolume.com/jettared/music . For more information on this band go to www.jettared.com or just ask Abe or me.

Abe’s Story

(Note: the following story is an Tommy’s account of how Abe ended up with a new scar. To see what Abe said happened, click here, to see what Harris said happened, click here)

So last night was really ugly, messy, and sad, but yet we made it interesting and somehow it was kinda fun. Abe laughing and saying “quit making me laugh it will start bleeding again” is what this story is all about….

I’m sitting in Abe/Megan/Brian/Jason’s house (haha) in the living room sucking down a beer when I hear Matt (a friend to all) challenge Abe in a guitar playing contest. Knowing that they were both kinda drunk, I figured this is going to be hilarious. Abe laughed at Matt, thinking he can’t play shit and that Abe himself was the most serious string shredder around. Out of nowhere Matt picked up that blue sparkling axe and let out one of the best solo performances I’ve ever witnessed. It was amazing. No one ever knew Matt could jam, but all who had seen were standing there with their jaws dropped and all googly-eyed. Abe, being that poor sport of a too-serious competitor that he is, slapped Matt in the face. That’s when the google eyes and the jaws turned into a look of sheer terror and everyone mumbling things like “oh my god”, “oh shit”, “look at those boobs” and others of the sort. Anyways, what happened next was definitely something we would all expect from a guy who just got slapped by his best friend. Matt tossed the guitar into the air and when Abe went to grab it, Matt punched him in the gut. (I must say it was a sweet move) And then the show was on. Somehow in the matter of about 2 minutes Matt was off storming around the house bloody, while Abe laid limp on the kitchen floor clutching his guitar and bleeding from every orifice. Megan and I (being the highly trained professionals in the medical field that we are) knew immediately that Abe needed serious medical attention. Jason and a couple other guys helped us drag Abe out to the car, while a few others were still detaining Matt from doing much further damage. I didn’t even care that Megan was driving about 110mph down the expressway in the blowing accumulating snow storm of the century (or week, whatever). Alls I was worried about was if we were gonna get to McDonalds before breakfast started. Oh, and Abe of course. So we get to Mclaren and to make a really long, short story come to a quick ending, Abe ended up with 12 stitches.