Wikileaks Connection

"NN"

Wikileaks informed us a few weeks ago that members of TheCouchParty.com are involved in a national security memo from 1996. At first we were dismissive. Who reads the internet? It’s probably been overlooked by the “Canadiens hate the Mexican Presidente” memo or the “ObamaCare really is responsible for Pamela Anderson getting HepC” memo. But because the new batch of wikileaks is making such big news, we decided to take ownership of this humiliation and face it head on.

National Security Memo

July 16th, 1996

Investigation involving the couch party.

New information has been found in regards to “NN.”

All files confidential.

1) New information has been accumulated in regards to the “Couch Party” and operation “NN” on VHS. Ambassador Dunkley is reporting the video has been located at a residence in Montrose, Michigan. Exact address is unknown at this time. Based on a neon glow in circumstantial photographic evidence, it is believed to be close to a massage parlor or a fast food restaurant.

2) Information leaked is that a subject known as “Bulldog”- AKA Snot Cat – (see report AK705L “Mouth Breather File”) is in possession of video. Video found by informant hidden in informant’s son’s (Bulldog) drawer. Confirmed “NN”.

3) Subject denied viewing tape. Denied ownership. Informant advised by subject “Bulldog,” that video is in possession for “safe keeping” for a friend known as “H.A.B.” Informant believes subject “Bulldog” has viewed video on multiple occasions and is sole owner of said video. Informant believes a connection between “NN” and “Shouting at the Devil” (see report DLF639 “Guitar Beer-O”).

4) Black Ops team will soon be debriefed on situation. Expecting to move in on and apprehend subject “Bulldog” for further questioning. This has been determined due to subject “Bulldog’s” poor taste in pornography as well as his willingness to blame his perverted tendencies on others.

5) Important note: File 1.21JW (Operation “Back to the Future”), shows subject “Bulldog” as threat to society as he will destroy fashion with his taste for silk “Dragon” print shirts. Steps are already being taken to make sure this shirt is destroyed or effectively stunk up.

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