Guess the Christmas Gift, Win a Prize!

I hope everyone had a nice holiday.  I know I did.  Except that I had to deal with the family again.

Most of you know I have a pretty fucked up family.  I don’t just mean that there’s one crazy uncle who makes us call him “Doris” or that we all fight a lot at the dinner table – that would be acceptable, a lot of fun, and easier to make jokes about.  Instead, I have cousins stealing videos from the library and selling them at the pawnshop for crack and quaaludes, I have a brother who lives in an hourly motel with a checkbook he stole from one of said cousins, and I have The In-Laws.

The In-Laws came over for Christmas this year.  It started out just like the movie Christmas Vacation: old people came, some even older people came, someone wrapped a cat as a gift, and my father-in-law’s brother brought his RV because “there just ain’t enough terlets in that house.”  I have three bathrooms; I’m not exactly sure why he would need more than one (although, to be fair, sometimes I eat the Big Boy buffet and try to see in how many I can shit in one day).  It also ended up a lot like the movie Christmas Vacation: the cat died, at one point the police were here, and I said, “Halleluiah … holy shit.  Where’s the Tylenol?” 

The best story, though, is the one about Aunt Polly, who stayed with us for four days.

The Wife’s Aunt Polly is constantly in everyone’s business.  You know the type: she has an answer for everything, she’s “been there, done that”, and she has an annoying habit of sticking her finger a little too far ‘neath your rear when she pats your butt for a “job well done.”

If having a baby actually involved this guy, The Wife would want sex constantly.

Well, Aunt Polly caught word that The Wife and I were trying to get pregnant.  She had a long talk with Wifey about what it means to be “satisfied in the bedroom” and she even gave advice about not taking The Pill and poking holes in condoms.

Apparently, Aunt Polly believes men think that babies happen by some sort of incantation that involves swearing, football, and not pleasing their womens.

So, in her haste to help us with our marriage, she gave us this:

Because of the family nature of this site, I'm not sure I can show you what was in it.

If you can guess exactly what was in this box, you get an Official Couch Party Inflatable Couch signed by all the members of the Couch Party.

We’ll let you know the winner soon.